Wife/Partner battering in this day and age continues to be a dark reality demanding immediate attention despite the silence which shrouds our communities around issues of domestic violence against women cutting across geographical and language barrier. In fact researches done globally have consistently shown time and again that the malady exists in dangerous proportions the world over and require significant interventions at all levels if we are honest in our approach of addressing women’s mental health concerns.
The Role of United Nations
During Women’s movements of the 1970’s the problem of wife battering gained both national and international attention. The United Nations has emphasized upon the importance of eliminating domestic violence worldwide through special task force committees, reviews and policies. In their resource manual, Strategies for Confronting Domestic Violence, the United Nations declares: “The right to be free from domestic violence or threat of domestic violence is a fundamental and universal human right” (United Nations Office at Vienna, 1993, p. 11). However, the United Nations (specifically, UNIFEM, the United Nations Development Fund for Women) has also gathered information on the incidence of wife-abuse around the world which reveals that wife battering is common in countries such as: Bangladesh, Barbados, Chile, Columbia, Costa Rica, Guatemala, India, Kenya, Norway, and Sri Lanka. The problem of course is cross cultural as far as domestic violence is concerned.
In United States and other developed nations, it has been estimated that there are app 21-34% women who will be physically assaulted by an intimate partner during adulthood. But the rate of violence perpetrated by IPV among American Asians is significantly alarmingly higher. That is why in recent research works have focused on socio cultural frameworks. In particular, family relationships, roles, cultural values, and immigration/ adaptation stressors have been examined more closely as possible influences in domestic violence among Asian Americans.
The Indian Family Structure
The question arises: Why are the rates of domestic violence so much higher among Asian Americans in US or more closely at home, in India?
In the present day scenario even when more and more nuclear families are coming up, the families today still tend to be patriarchal. The flow of communication is generally unidirectional, flowing from the parents to the children and males tend to dominate (i.e., the father) or are given favored status. In many families, sons are still given more privileges than daughters Also. The family itself is thought to include not only the nuclear members, but also the extended family as well as past ancestors. The values like bringing honor to the family, interdependence and developing harmonious are given precedence over individual interests. And “bringing shame to the family” or “loss of face in society” has to be avoided at all costs. Honor killings are still considered an appropriate punishment for those who deviate from the “normal: path of subjugation.
The specific roles are prescribed within the family structure. The father is seen as the dominant authority figure who is the primary decision maker while the mother is the soft, emotional nurturing caregiver of the children whose role is to merge her wishes and desires to that of the husband. Self sacrifice and silent suffering are the virtues by which a woman is expected to live and die. Divorce is still seen as bringing “family shame” and not to be thought of. Children are expected to blindly obey the parents and look after them in their old age. Since girls will be married off into another family, sons are preferred as they will carry on the family lineage and take care of the elderly. Hence, female feticide is the “norm” in many Indian states. The skewed girl child ratio in Punjab and Haryana bear a loud testimony to this gory fact.
Raving Researches
The picture of “good wife” portrayed through many qualitative research studies are striking in their similarities and degrees of restriction.
Many research studies have concluded how their respondents were socialized to believe that a “good wife” should be “benevolent, controlled, nurturing, obedient, self sacrificing, chaste and virtuous”.
This kind of scenario is equally applicable to working / non working women cutting across all ages, class and castes even today. And that is the naked reality of today’s world we are living in.
Intimate partner violence
There is a very apt saying that power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely. In such a cultural context where man is the absolute ruler, intimate partner violence is a stark reality one cannot close one’s eyes to. The women are subjected to all forms of violence even today be it physical, emotional, social or verbal. However, now more girls and their families are coming out to report the abuse although there is still social stigma attached to it.
Due to socio cultural factors women feel helpless to leave an abusive situation like this. In fact, surprisingly many women do not “see” this as violence, rather they meekly feel that some of their behavior had triggered violent streak in their husbands and blame themselves only for the resultant violence. Such is the irony and impact of social conditioning that victims of physical violence blame themselves for bringing this physical abuse on to them.
Another factor which reinforces the victims’ beliefs is religious one. Staunch belief in reincarnation, paying dues for past lives, or fate or destiny also prevents such women to seek any outside help. They strongly feel it is the result of their past karmas.
Mental Health
Women help lines by the Govt. are there to support them if they report an abuse but there are still many flaws in our system and the women victims do not feel comfortable or empowered. Signs of depression in women take a back seat in such a scenario. The services provided by NGO’s or the state are underutilized due to the shame and stigma being attached to seeking help for domestic violence and also due to the lack of knowledge that such services are available.
People still fear in reporting the matter to the police as the kind of humiliation, insult, accusations and torture they face in police stations is so traumatic that they do not want to meet the police. Moreover, the cases which do get reported are made to feel that “men” are like that. What is the big deal? Why report the matter to us or waste our time. The police are meant to do “bigger” things not trivial things as to solve the case of domestic violence. These kind of unhelpful statements by the police add to the sense of helplessness and hopelessness in the victim who is already a terrorized and traumatized in her own situation.
Coping strategies of the victims
Mental health services for women are still not “visible” to the victims and are also underutilized due to lack of knowledge of available services. Generally the two coping strategies women adopt is “waiting” – believing that time would resolve their problems and “keeping the problem in the family”.
Thus it’s the social conditioning which deters a women’s ability to leave their abusive situations which is also hindered by cultural values and beliefs as well as lack of access to resources caused by unfamiliarity with available services or social isolation.
The Need of the Hour – “Zero Tolerance for Domestic Violence”
Women themselves have to introspect and empower themselves to this social malady and the elders in the community should utilize cultural mechanisms of social control in such a way that the “guilt” or “shame” should be felt by the abusers and their families rather than the victims of domestic violence. Social support groups and self help groups should be more proactive in developing this increased attention to women domestic violence at both global and local levels, so that the solitary silence can be broken and the violence stopped.
Our educational institutions can also play a lead role in this to develop awareness among youth who unfortunately have grown up in the atmosphere of domestic violence and have been socially conditioned as “an accepted norms” in the society. We have to learn to break our own shackles – that is the need of the hour. God helps those who help themselves. Women themselves have to empower women, and equip them with domestic violence resources which are available at all times.