MANAGE YOUR ANGER SPIRITUALLY:
It has become a mundane affair with the media to highlight on violence, murder, terrorist attacks, protests and unrest. When you go in to the depth of it you find that an individual or a group acted with a fit of anger and every time the culprit has a valid reason [that only he can justify] for the act. There could be a lot of underlying reasons like hate, communalism, betrayal, insults, cheating, vengeance and greed that could have motivated the act. Whatever the reasons these deplorable acts can never be justifiable to the world that is striving for peace and brotherhood. Benjamin Franklin once said – “ anger is never without a reason, but seldom a good one.’
Anger is a negative emotion that needs to be managed before it takes to destructive ways. It is an emotion created by our own thoughts and one day it goes on to become a negative habit. “ Watch your thoughts they become words: watch your words they become actions: watch your action they become habits: watch your habits they become your character.’’ When a person is angry he loses his self-control and may act in ways that can do a lot of damage to his health, relationships, career and well being. A moment of anger can undo the good work of a life time. I once read a quote that said- “ A tree can make a million of match sticks, but one match stick can burn the whole tree.’ After a bout of anger the person is left guilty and remorseful: what is done in haste cannot be undone and it leaves deep scars on the other person. Aristotle[ 322BC] once said- ` anyone can get angry , but to get angry at the right person at the right time to the right degree, for the right reason in the right way is not within ones power and control.’
When in anger you lose the sense of mental balance and are unable to take sensible decisions. That is why they say- don’t take any decisions when you are angry. Even the ancient stories of moral highlighted on this fact. I still to this day remember the story I heard in my childhood – the story of a woman who kills her mongoose on seeing smears of blood on its mouth, assuming that it had killed her child. But in reality the blood she saw was the blood of the snake that the mongoose had killed. All that required of her was to learn the truth before she acted.
Human beings are in the habit of getting angry over a lot of trivial things in their life and the most common reasons for getting angry are- delays, forgetfulness, imperfections, non- conformity of others, traffic jams, long Q’s, weather and mistakes/ sloppiness of other people.
Tendencies of people who are angry:
- People get angry to show their power and position.
- People use anger as an excuse to get things done.
- Some have the tendency to get angry and they accept that it’s a habit with them to get angry and it’s irreversible.
- Some treat anger as a virtue and their birthright to show their superiority.
- People cover up on their vulnerability and weaknesses with anger.
- Domineering people use anger to control others.
Major sources of anger:
- Expectations.
- Lack of patience.
- Perfectionism
- Life experiences.
- Non-acceptance of people and their ways.
- Everyday stress related issues like- traffic, targets, deadline, sudden changes etc.
- Restraints and suppression imposed by others.
- Helplessness and victimization.
- Ill treatment from others.
How does anger show up and what are the behavioural signs:
A: Direct behavioural signs: physical and verbal attacks.
Physical: blows and assaults that cause physical harm.
Verbal : shouting, abusing,aggressive behaviour, threats, demeaning words and criticizing.
B: Blanketed signs: Sceptical, distrustful, resentful, unforgiving, jealous, argumentative, avoidance, and non-cooperative behaviour.
Management of anger: In general anger can be managed by Awareness and Action.
Awareness: we have to develop awareness of our thoughts and of our bodies. The awareness of thoughts is simply known as `Sakshi Bhava’ in Sanskrit. We have to be aware of how we are thinking, feeling, and responding to different stimulus. We must identify the stimulants that are causing anger in us. We must also listen to what our body is telling us and also how we are walking, breathing and speaking when we are subjected to stress and anger.
Action: the crux of the issue is to take action on what we have learnt from our own analysis on what is causing anger in us. It is a well known fact that man’s worst enemy is laziness, reluctance and resistance to change. Making changes involves changes in thought process, time management and lifestyle: you may acknowledge knowing both the causes and the remedies but are lazy to implement them. Knowledge is useless unless put in to action.
There is lot of information available on the techniques and strategies to manage anger but there is also another way of looking at anger management, `the spiritual way’ -which we may never have considered as an option. Let us look at what spirituality has to do with anger.
Spiritually speaking everything begins with –acceptance, the acceptance that we ourselves invited the situations in to our life. As they say ` no one can make us feel angry unless we give them the permission to do so.’ Let’s accept the fact that we are also in a way responsible for all the stimulants that are causing anger in us. Another way of acceptance is to accept the people the way they are – with their faults, behaviours and limitations. Acceptance has a positive energy level of 350.
Forgiveness: forgiving yourself and others for the wrongs committed is another way of controlling anger.
Self esteem: Improving on our self-esteem [self-image] and confidence will see us on a path of progress in life, thereby removing all the irritation, dejection and frustration that normally cause anger. It is important to look at the past successes and positives than past failures.
Showing love: love has a positive energy of 500, which is the highest at any level. Showing love towards the people who trigger anger in you and blessing them with prosperity is a positive way of reducing your own anger.
Showing gratitude: being thankful for all that you are, you have or going to have in the future will reduce feelings of lack and inadequacy bringing about a sense of peace thereby reducing your anger.
Empathize, serve and reach out: when you do this you feel good and find a sense of fulfilment and satisfaction – this automatically helps to keep away anger. How can you feel good and be angry at the same time?
Showing patience: patience is a `virtue’. The person who is composed and patient is seldom angry.
Faith: faith in the almighty and faith in your strengths and abilities puts a lot of confidence and hope in you and helps you to remain at peace even at the most trying circumstances that would normally provoke anger in you.
Take it easy: you are not `Hercules’ to be carrying the world on your shoulders all the time. Most problems arise out of taking life too seriously and being frustrated with yourself and others when things don’t go your way. So, relax, unwind and take things as they come.
Spiritual ways of managing anger:
- Meditation* yoga* Pranayama* Trataka*deep breathing and relaxation.*Shavasana* prayers*chanting*visualization to see yourself `calm and relaxed.’* Past life regression* self-hypnosis, followed by the affirmations-` I am always at peace, I am cool calm and relaxed at all times, it is `ok.’ It is easy for me to accept things that happen in my life.’’
- Focus on `peace’ instead of anger.
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