How a rebound relationship helped me discover myself


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Just like a lot of other people who are in relationships or who were in relationships, I too thought that I was in one where I was completely happy or where I was completely in love with my partner. Well, as time went by we realised that things were not going the way we wanted it to be, but we never acknowledged it. I would say, we pretended to be in a relationship just for the heck of it. As much as I say this, I was completely afraid of getting out of that relationship as well because I was in a comfort zone. Well, having said this, my partner kind of took the decision to break up and regardless to say, I was completely devastated about it. As much as I was overwhelmed I was relieved as well, as the relationship wasn’t going anywhere.

A few weeks after we broke up, I felt as if I was free and at the same time since I always had friends who were guys it was very easy for me to be in a relationship with one of them. I got it into a relationship with one of my friends’ but both of us were sure of not taking this very seriously. I also knew that I was doing this just to get over my ex-partner. The current relationship went on for a while and I knew that this deviated my mind from my previous relationship.

I felt like I did not have many responsibilities towards this relationship, however, when we needed each other we were there. There was no label to our relationship which gave me a sense of freedom to do what I wanted. I was having fun at that time, but having all of that both of us realised that this wasn’t working out well as this relationship went on for a quite some time. Even when we went out we weren’t pressured to be with each other because we knew that that wasn’t what we wanted.

At that time I thought that I was having fun, but when things were fading out, I realised that I wanted something more meaningful but not with this person. This relationship gave me a lot of time to think about what I wanted from a relationship, it gave me time to get over my past relationship, my insecurities, my own worries and thoughts.

While I was trying to interpret what I wanted from a relationship,  I didn’t want to let go of this rebound relationship. I knew that there would be a day when one of us would have to end it but at the same time while we were in this together I felt like it gave me so much of space and time to think about myself as a partner, I allowed myself to understand my past relationship as well and I felt that this relationship was necessary for me.

To cut the long story short, and to give a picture of what exactly happened after that, I ended the relationship with this person but believe me, I completely enjoyed every bit of it. It did not help me overcome my past relationship but it helped me explore myself a little better and understand what kind of a person I was. I don’t think I will ever do this again. That being said, it gave me better understanding about myself.

Anu (Name Changed), Bangalore

Break-ups are always overwhelming and gives you a heart-wrenching feeling. But is seeking help from someone new an unhealthy way to move forward? Rebound relationships are often considered to have a bad reputation but what about the ones that have been a success?

While I was researching about rebound relationships, I found, mostly all rebound relationships to be  considered non-lasting, or a regretful experience. Then I thought to myself of how I would question my own self if I was ever in a rebound relationship. I felt this urge to experience being on the other side. Not so I could judge, but so that I could give a truthful experiential response to this question many have had.

As usual the first question that came to my mind was how long a rebound relationship lasts, or how likely is it for me to go back to my ex-partner but then I realised it is not always like that. I asked myself whether I had always been a rebounder. Or did the relationships I was in happen spontaneously. I questioned whether I was just in the zone of having some fun or whether being alone scared me.

Recent evidence suggests, that people who dive into rebound relationships get over their ex-partner more quickly and feel more confident in their date-ability (Brumbaugh & Fraley, 2014). This evidence builds nicely on research showing that individuals with high attachment anxiety are better able to sever their emotional attachment to an ex-partner when they start a new relationship (Spielmann, MacDonald, & Wilson, 2009).