Stings Like a Bee

Aakriti Joanna

Published on

“A Trigger is the Connection between the Conscious Mind and a Buried Painful Memory” – Anonymous

Ever wonder why they say ‘sting like a bee’? Here is why: The barbed sting of a Honey bee is left behind in the victim’s skin to excruciate the pain; longer the sting is left unattended, severe the pain is. Similarly abuse of any kind is like a barbed sting designed to be anchored to the victim, not allowing the person to move and grow by slowly but persistently inducing pain. If the sting is left unattended it poisons starting from the area of concern to being fatal. Women are generally the victim of sexual abuse or isn’t that the common notion at least? Women and men are both victims of sexual abuse because it’s not a battle between sexes, it’s a battle between perverse desire and feebleness.

An elderly couple came with their son Deepak (name changed) to my office for counselling, on asking the couple why Deepak needed counselling, they started by saying that he has no control over his temper, tends to pick fights while driving, doesn’t socialize with anyone, he is a loner, doesn’t believe in having a relationship of any kind, pre-occupied most of the time, and the list went on. Deepak was very resistant and was not comfortable talking to me but once his resistance dealt with I found out that he had layers of hurt, shame, humiliation, self-doubt and self-pity but the underlying cause was sexual abuse. Deepak was 7 years old when he and his elder brother were left at the care of their aunt for three days, little did Deepak know that those three days would turn out to be hell for him. He was sexually exploited by his adolescent cousin brother consecutively, as he recalled he said it lasted for about 5 hours each time. ‘I have flashbacks of the entire incident, it seems like I’m watching a video, explicit and so real that I can remember the taste and even the smell’ Deepak was sobbing as he explained. What hurt him more is the fact that his elder brother was sleeping on the other side of the room when he was being sexually abused and he couldn’t reach out for help.

Whatever the complaint was from his parents were his coping mechanisms; Deepak is 28 years now and over the years these coping mechanisms has been embedded in him. The process of change started with deconstruction, the rotten wound beneath the layers of hurt and shame was opened up for treatment, which means it was a very painful process for Deepak. The sting was left to rot and damage for 21years, long enough to mutilate him for a lifetime, but the progress Deepak has made till now proves that it’s never too late to seek help.

Break the stigma of women alone being victims of sexual abuse, unveil yourself to the reality that even men are being victims of sexual abuse. Do not ever brush away your child’s discourse, it’s not just mere words it’s their emotions. Sexual abuse does sting like a bee, be vigilant and don’t let it near you, but if it does, spot the sting and seek the help of expert hands to remove it without further damage.