KleverKid parents share their parental anxieties with the parenting experts from Health-E-Minds. Here are snippets of what the experts have to say about them. If you are a parent who is worried about their kid, maybe the following words of wisdom can help you.
Q: My kid is obsessed about TV and wants to watch it whenever he has free time on his hands. If we try to stop him, he becomes irritable. Please suggest some remedy. – Anxious Dad from Palam Vihar, Delhi
Child Age: 8 years
Answer from Meghana Srivatsa:
Dear Anxious,
Most parents have chosen to let their children either watch TV or play on mobile phones/ tablets when they are unable to handle their tantrums in their formative years. They also feel that these are the easiest ways to keep their child quiet and give you the time and peace you need. Children pick up habits very quickly and they associate certain behaviour to certain outcomes. For example: Throwing a tantrum means watching TV. When you stop him from watching TV, he throws a tantrum so that you allow his associated behaviour of watching TV.
The only way to go about this is to break the pattern. If he throws a tantrum about watching TV in his free time, take control of the situation, turn the TV off and ask him to go out and play with his friends or ride his bike. Find out what activities interest him and encourage him to pursue them when he has time. Spend some time reading with him: it could be a book, a story, a newspaper article or anything else.
Q: My kids usually accompany us for movies. They also watch TV with us. We go for child certified movies, However, there are many indirect references to subjects which are unsuitable for them. Kids are smart these days and I have heard my kids joke about these topics and talk to their friends about it. Should I stop this? How? – Apprehensive Mother from Bangalore
Children Ages: 7 & 9 years
Answer from Rohini Kesavan Rajeev:
Dear Apprehensive,
7 and 9 are such vulnerable ages and I feel for you. Your intrinsic need to treat them fairly and like friends, while being strict for their own good often results in confusion and helpless parenting. From your message, I am assuming you are referring to stopping the conversations your children are having with their friends.
If it is about stopping them from discussing certain topics with their friends, I would like to caution you. Do not reprimand them. This would make them doubt how much you trust them as you’ve listened in to their conversations with friends, especially your 9-year-old (irrespective of gender). Advice from you will only be taken defensively by them there on. As parents, we cannot stop our children from discussing whatever they find funny or curious with their friends. I would suggest you to talk to them with kind and friendly curiousness. Mention it to them in passing that you heard them discuss a topic or a scene from that recent movie or serial with their friends and you wanted to know what about it amused them? This will help them to slowly open up to you and tell you what they think, it’s also possible that they cut you short saying “Nothing”. Please don’t get annoyed and retaliate. Tell them that whatever it was that they were discussing, it’s not something that is important to them and they should try and avoid thinking about it; if they are curious they can always talk to you about it and you will surely answer them. Be firm while being kind. A few reminders and they will at least understand that you meant business. If they are just giggling about a few things with their buddies, I would suggest that you overlook it and don’t worry too much. There is only this much we can do to curtail our growing child’s curiosity. Do remember that the more we restrict the more curious they become.
Q: I have been using “Time Out” as a punishment with my child. He has just completed his 3rd birthday and Time Out is not working anymore. What should I do? – Confused Mom from Noida
Child Age: 3
Answer from Meghana Srivatsa:
Dear Confused,
Children are very quick in associating patterns, not unlike parents associate their child’s patterns of behaviour. At the age of 3, a child is just exploring a lot of new things including walking around comfortably, talking, learning new things and understanding more complex things than the first 24 months. Your concept of Time Out till 24 months would be a pattern. Now, you have to change the pattern. If this becomes a routine, the child knows that after some time, the Time Out period is over and he can continue whatever he was doing earlier. Children these days also expect an explanation or a demonstration of the consequences of action, so rather than punishing, try talking and explaining. Ask and find out why exactly your son was doing what he did and explain why that should not be done. Communication with patience is the key.