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Your reason for going to a counsellor or contemplating going to a counsellor may vary from mild emotional disturbance to unbearable distress. Though the degree or nature of your problem may not be comparable to someone else’s, one thing that is common across people who seek counselling is that their situation is interfering with their life in one way or another. For most people, especially in the Indian context, the decision to see a professional for emotional troubles is a big one; often made after a lot of contemplation, and in a lot of cases, covered in a shroud of secrecy. The stigma attached to seeking therapy is a topic for another day. Today, let’s focus on what to expect out of counselling.
- First and foremost, counselling provides you with a warm, safe and confidential setting, where you can explore your concerns in the presence of a non-judgmental, qualified professional. Since this person (your counsellor) is an objective outsider, he/she does not have any personal agenda while understanding what you share. Your perspective is the only one they know.
- Counselling usually happens over a period of weekly sessions. The number of sessions or the period of time required will vary from person to person. It is difficult to give an exact number at the beginning of counselling. I find it a useful practice to schedule a ‘review’ session after 4 or 5 counselling sessions. This gives both the client and the counsellor an opportunity to look at the way things are progressing, and take into account what is working and what isn’t. Depending on the severity of the problem, a more realistic estimate of further sessions required can be made.
- Being open and honest during counselling will lead to clearer understanding of yourself and your context. Counsellors are trained to listen with empathy, but that’s not all they do. They will help you to read between the lines of your own words, giving you a better insight into yourself and the situation you are in.
- The counselling relationship is the cornerstone of any change you wish to see. You can make the most of your counselling experience if you actively engage in the process, rather than passively expecting advice. If there is anything about your counsellor that is bothering you, communicate it openly. A qualified counsellor will be able to consider your feedback in a positive manner and help you understand your misgivings better. Someone who seems rigid or judgmental towards you may not be best suited to address your needs.
- Most counsellors will work collaboratively with you towards identifying therapy goals. Your counsellor should be able to help you to formulate realistic achievable targets. These goals are open to revision and modification, depending on your progress.
- Many a times, we unknowingly indulge in practices that are detrimental to our own betterment. For instance, a person who has had a string of bad relationships may be unconsciously choosing partners who are abusive, thereby maintaining the pattern. Counselling gives you an opportunity to identify any patterns or recurrent behaviours that may be maintaining the crisis situation. With the help of your counsellor, you can become more aware of your behaviours and learn ways to modify them.
- Counselling also involves some risk. Sometimes, clients experience an emotional upheaval – things that you didn’t think as relevant to your current problem or were not prepared to talk about, might come up. Some painful memories, which you had put away, may resurface. In addition, the changes you are beginning to experience may not be well received by the people in your life. However, these risks can be dealt with if you honestly discuss with your counsellor about how you are feeling. Working through these difficult feelings often leads to considerable personal growth and progress for the client.
- Sometimes, the ‘problems’ we take to counselling may be beyond its scope, or may require the assistance of another professional. For example, through the course of a few sessions a counsellor may suspect that your mood swings may be related to a clinical condition, or that your lack of appetite may need a doctor’s attention. In such a scenario, a counsellor refers the client to psychiatrist or a general physician, as required. There are many instances where a person benefits from continuing psychotherapy in addition to medical aid.
- A structured ending is perhaps the least talked about aspect of counselling. Considering the amount of time and money you invest in counselling, it is natural to want to ‘stop’ once things seem a little better. Many a times people may stop therapy quite suddenly, fearing that if they told the counsellor they wanted to stop, he/she may not ‘allow’ it. This couldn’t be further from the truth. A professional counsellor will never extend therapy beyond the required period of time. Also, as a client, you have complete authority to bring counselling to an end whenever you want to. However, it is in your best interest if you do this in a structured manner rather than quitting abruptly. A planned ending session will give you an opportunity to process your learning and progress and to give you a sense of closure.