While our love for our children may be unconditional, it’s seriously worth questioning and finding out how our children perceive our love for them. Does my child perceive my love as conditional upon whether he/she does things the way I the parent wants him/her to do? If yes, there are many unintended consequences of this. Among other things, conditional parenting may lead to children having negative feelings against their parents and lower feelings of self-worthiness when the children grow up to be adults.
Conditional parenting may come in different forms. When we praise children exclusively for what a good job they did at something OR when we punish them for bad behavior – both are forms of conditional parenting.
Read the article below in New York Times by Alfie Kohn, a highly conscientious parent, an accomplished educator and an author of eleven books on parenting and education. He talks about what conditional and unconditional parenting, their effects on our children and what are some effective ways we as parents can offer unconditional love for our children. The article is based on hard data based on scientific research findings.
Click here to access this article in New York Times
About the Author
Gayathri Tirthapura is a Parenting Expert on the Healtheminds panel. Know more about her