Life is a learning experience for us. Every new day brings new lessons.
We fall, we stand up, we laugh, we cry, we experience many emotions in our lives. People around us may help us in tough times. But no matter how much other people support us, we must have the will to overcome the sad and difficult times in our lives. Other people can give us a boost, but our will power comes from within.
Challenges are a part of life. Never lose hope when confronted by even the biggest challenge. Take a break when you need to, but keep going. You might fall, but your will power will help you get back on your feet. Believe in yourself. Trust that you will prevail.
We all know that self-belief is really the only thing that works, but it’s not easy. Love plays a vital role in building trust in the environment and strengthening our belief systems. We humans are social creatures, and love is a basic need for all of us to survive and thrive.
If this is true, if love is so fundamental to life, why does it hurt? The more we love and value someone, the more they seem to be able to hurt us, to cause us pain. Why? I mean, seriously! Love in the movies is all sunshine and roses, but in real life it doesn’t work like that; being in love means being in pain, maybe not all the time but certainly some of the time. Many of us are in pain because we’re in love.
Love is devotion. It doesn’t always make us feel secure; in fact, being in love makes us question whether we can survive without the person we love. It’s important for us to speak up about how we feel. Relationships are complicated, and it’s easy to make ourselves suffer more wondering what the other person thinks and feels. Talking and trusting each other is really the only way to make the course of love smooth, comfortable and elegant.
Of course, sometimes being a silent, empathetic listener can save our love life. Being in love is about supporting the person we love. Sometimes all they need is someone to sit beside them and listen, someone to be there. Accepting when we’re wrong makes a huge difference too. Love isn’t a competition or a race, it’s a partnership. Sometimes we’re wrong, but if we’re open and accepting of our mistakes, we make our relationship and trust stronger. Empathy saves sinking ships – it’s really all you need to protect and nurture your love life.
So, why does love hurt? Why can’t life be easy? There are some concrete reasons for these existential questions.
For example, we may expect too much from the person we love. Everyone is human, everyone has flaws. We don’t always see those flaws when we’re in love, and we can be bitterly disappointed when we finally notice them. Then we have to struggle to accept our loved one as they are, flaws and all. And acceptance, as we all know, can be very hard.
Also, we are almost certain to hurt the person we love, though not on purpose – which makes them, and us, feel terrible.
Sometimes, because we’re human, we’ll have doubts. Is this the right person for me? If it hurts so much it can’t be right! Our inner peace is shattered and it shows in our behaviour, which makes the person we love unhappy too.
We can feel anxious about the future, overwhelmed by how intense our feelings are, or carry the pain from past relationships forward into the new ones – which is never a good idea!
The good news is, pain doesn’t have to go hand in hand with relationships. By taking a step back, taking stock of what’s really hurting you and addressing it, you open your heart to how wonderful it can be to love someone.
Uncertain about your future? Wondering whether you’re living up to your beloved’s expectations? Weighed down by the baggage of your unhappy past? Not sure if this imperfect person is right for you?
Work through the questions on your mind one at a time, and the pain that you feel in your relationship will reduce as you let go of all the unnecessary fears that hold you back.
Though love hurts sometimes, it can be the most beautiful thing in the world. Be ready to embrace it with open arms and no matter what happens, you’ll find your happily ever after!
Anamika Gupta
Consultant Counselling Psychologist
MA, Psychology | PG Diploma, Child & Adolescent Counselling | Certifications: The Science of Well-being (Yale University), Vedic Indian Psychology (NIMHANS)
Anamika is a people-centric and solution-focused therapist who works with people of all ages. She specialises in psychotherapy, Vedic psychology, relationship counselling, NLP therapy, hypnotherapy, graphology and colour therapy, and is a Mentor and Educator at ATH India and a Mindfulness Coach. She has provided psychotherapy and counselling support to many people struggling with the impact of Covid-19.
Anamika is available for consultation at HealtheMinds, Whitefield, Bangalore, and online at HealtheMinds.com.