Many of us remember a time when our parents would push us out to play with our friends and we were supposed to return home by a specific time. Our parents didn’t know exactly where we were (no GPS) or what we were doing. There was a certain amount of trust invested in us and of course we were held accountable for our actions.
Things have however changed now. Crime rates have increased exponentially and technology has taken over our lives.
According to the National Crime Records Bureau, a child goes missing every eight minutes in India and almost 40% of those children haven’t been found. And according to a study offered by banking chain Halifax, one third of 7-8 year olds, two thirds of 9 to 11 year olds and nearly nine in ten of 12 to 14 year olds now own a mobile phone.
It’s not only the childhoods that have changed, but so have the parenting styles.
What is helicopter parenting?
The term “helicopter parent” was first used in Dr. Haim Ginott’s 1969 book, Parent’s &Teenager by teens who said their parents would hover over them like a helicopter. This term became popular enough to become a dictionary entry in 2011. Even though this is a terminology borrowed by the western society, many Indian parents will be able to associate with it.
A helicopter parent is one who is constantly shadowing their child by always playing with and directing the child’s behavior. This takes away from the child’s ‘alone time’, which a child uses to explore.
Why do parent’s hover?
Here are 4 common reasons that might cause a parent to hover.
- Fear
A child not scoring well (or as well as the neighbour’s kid), or not making the team or landing the perfect job, can appear disastrous to the parent. Here, a parent feels like their involvement could have avoided these dire consequences.
- Anxiety
Parents hold on to the belief that they can keep their child from feelings of pain and disappointment. The economy, job market and the terrors of the world in general make them anxious about letting their child grow their own wings and experiencing life as it is.
- Overcompensation
Parents who were not given enough love and attention while growing up tend to overcompensate with their children by giving them excessive attention and monitoring their every move.
- Societal Pressure
When parents see other over involved parents they tend to compare themselves to them and enter a mental competition with other parents. They don’t want to be “bad parents” and do what the others are doing.
Consequences of helicopter parenting
All parents want the best for their children, and helicopter parents start off with good intentions. However, it is a tricky line to find the perfect balance between being engaged with your child’s life but not get too enmeshed in it.
4 consequences of helicopter parenting are highlighted here.
- Decreased confidence and self esteem
A child gets used to their parents’ nod of approval before making any decision or taking part in any activity, that when that nod is missing they feel that they don’t have the ability to make the right decision.
- Undeveloped coping skills
When a parent always prevents their child from exploring and making mistakes the child is unable to cope with difficult situations that might arise. Studies have shown that helicopter parenting makes children feel less competent in dealing with stressful situations.
- Sense of entitlement
Children who have always had their social, academic, and athletic lives adjusted by their parents to best fit their needs can become accustomed to always having their way and thus they develop a sense of entitlement.
- Undeveloped life skills
When parents have always taken care of every need of their child that the children are capable of doing themselves, the children are prevented from mastering those skills.
How can you avoid being a helicopter parent?
- Look for opportunities to take one step back from solving your child’s problems
- Keep one eye on your child’s strengths, emotions, stressors and one eye on the adults you are trying to raise
- Getting your child from here to there involves some suffering in the process. This suffering is natural. Don’t shield them from it, teach them to cope with it
- Talk to your children about your life experiences and everything you’ve learnt. Pass on the knowledge and help your child make an informed decision about their life
- Allow your children to take responsibility for their actions