Raising a child is probably the most gratifying job. But it is also probably the toughest. It is becoming increasingly tough for parents to talk to their children about certain issues. These issues are often disturbing and hence are difficult for children to understand and for adults to explain.
The topics range from STDs, sex, drugs, violence, etc. Some parents may question the appropriateness of imparting knowledge of these things to young and impressionable minds. The truth is, your children are constantly hearing and reading about things. Be it from newspapers and magazines, through the television or the Internet or through conversations with their friends and peers.. It is better for them to receive this knowledge from a more trustable source i.e. you, rather than social media.
Here are some tips that will help you in talking to your children about these tough or uncomfortable issues:
1. START WHILE THEY ARE YOUNG: The age at which children are forced to hear about these things and cope with them is becoming lesser and lesser. Research shows that younger children turn to parents for knowledge about these issues but as they become teenagers, they tend to not rely on their parents and look to find it out themselves. (Source: Harvard’s Help Guide, Authors: Lawrence Robinson, Melinda Smith, M.A., and Jeanne Segal, PhD) So starting young is of vital importance. This makes sure that even as they get older, they are comfortable with confiding in their parents.
2. BE THE ONE TO INITIATE THE CONVERSATION: Children, more often than not, hesitate to initiate these kinds of conversations. Be the one to initiate the conversation. Also, an older child speaking up might prevent the younger one from doing so. So pay attention to the questions of your younger one also.
3. REALISE THE IMPORTANCE OF VALUES: Don’t rely on the Internet or on their friends to talk to your children about issues such as sex or relationships. These sources may not impart the values that you could probably pass on and would like your child to know. So take the initiative even if you feel nervous or uncomfortable. You are not alone.
4. OPEN ENVIRONMENT: Communication is a two way street. Create an environment where your child feels comfortable to ask you questions. If you don’t know the answer, say that you will get back to them and do. Encourage their curiosity. Always be honest with your child. If you do not provide a straightforward answer, they tend to make up their own fantastical explanation. Also, allow room for your child to develop and express their own opinions about these subjects. Respect their point of view and accept it with an open mind. If you try too hard to enforce your own opinions, it might lead to a complete breakdown of communication between the two of you.
5. LISTEN: Learn to listen to your child. Take in their views of what the issue is about. It is natural for younger children to feel agitated. So if your 9-year-old says that he wants to go out to play, let him and continue the talk another time.
6. RE-ENFORCE: Talk to your child again and again to make them more comfortable with the issue.
Don’t be nervous and take the initiative to open up to your child. If you are facing difficulty in talking to your child or if your child is facing difficulty in talking to you, a session with a counsellor can go a long way in establishing better communication between your child and you.