Am I depressed?

Aakriti Joanna

Published on

How do I explain this? Nobody can understand what I am going through. The way I think, the way I feel, everything has changed. I am not who I used to be. I am not depressed, am I? No I can’t be…

Her personality had transformed dramatically. She was undergoing extreme pain and hurting every single day. She was finding it difficult to make sense of her situation. She wasn’t able to share what was happening with her. It was ambiguous. What would she tell anyone?

I have been looking online, researching and reading. I am not sure what is wrong with me. I have been seeing in the media and hearing about celebrities and others having depression. I don’t think that’s what I have. I am not depressed, am I?

She was confused. She felt alone. Her mental state was affecting her health, studies and relationships. She was finding it hard to just go about her daily activities. She had to force herself to do everything; it had all just become a chore. Once what she had loved and what she had really enjoyed doing, all of it had lost its meaning now.

But I have not undergone any significant trauma. My life isn’t any more stressful than the next person’s. So what is the reason for all this? I really don’t understand why I am upset all the time. I cry uncontrollably. I am a happy person. I love spending time with those around me. I love my college and my friends. So I can’t be depressed.

She felt like she was holding onto her old identity. The words she used to describe herself, her hobbies and interests, her passion, they weren’t the same anymore. They had lost their importance in her life. But she gained comfort and peace temporarily when she was able to identify herself in those terms.

I dated him just for a few months. He did end the relationship and I was hurt. But that couldn’t have led me to me current state. Things are a little hectic at college but it is for everyone around me as well. I am no exception. So this can’t be the reason as well. May be it is something at home, that is making me feel this way. I can’t make sense of any of this. I am pushing myself; I am going to college and trying to attend classes. So that must mean I am fine. I do smile and go out with my friends once in a while. So nothing is wrong with me. Then why am I not happy like before? When do I get to start enjoying my life again?

It is alright to feel hurt; it is alright to feel sad and upset. You may feel there is no valid cause or reason for your sadness. You may find it difficult to pinpoint when it all started as it was gradual and it became a part of who you are. We tend to find solace in convincing ourselves that nothing is wrong and that this will pass on soon enough.

Do you find yourself relating to the feelings and emotions of this girl? You may see a part of yourself in her. You were able to cope initially but somewhere along the line, you can’t really remember when, it may have started to get out of hand. It wasn’t just brief episodes anymore, it started to become much more than that.

It is important to identify if significant time has lapsed and you have continued to feel this way. You may have tried opening up to a friend or a confidant but it didn’t go as you planned. You didn’t know how to explain the problem and they didn’t know how to help you. It is understandable when one panics over situation as they are not able to figure out when it all started and what led to all of this.

When this is prolonging and begins to interfere with one’s daily life then it becomes a concern. Counselors can be a great a source of help in such situations. We can help you gain clarity and figure out what is going on with you. You don’t have to do it on your own. All your unanswered questions, we can guide you in identifying the answers to those. The one step that you take in approaching us can give you a better perspective to your life and insight into your problems. I agree it takes a lot of courage to do so. But this step can lead you a long way and take you to a better place in your life.

We support you to fight your own battles. It is only going to make you stronger.